My Heart Is A House Of Open Doors

My Heart Is A House Of Open Doors

“But I still answer the phone each time you call me,

I still smile when I drive past your house.

I like knowing that your soul still has a wilderness

after all of these years have passed us by

And just in case it ever wants one last rebellion,

I still leave the door open for you in my heart.”

Credits: Heidi Pribe, Thought Catalog My Heart Is A House Of Open Doors

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Lost Chances

Lost Chances

For the very first time, you held my hand the other day. I moved away because I didn’t know if it was what I wanted anymore. Butterflies in my stomach, I told you, “What took you so long to realise?” You didn’t say anything. We continued walking in our own paths, not touching, not making any eye contact, not saying a word.

“I knew. All along, I knew.” You gently nudged my hands again and swiftly pulled me closer by holding me at my waist.

This time, I didn’t move away.

I felt that tingling feeling from your cold fingers. It felt nice, but it felt strange too.

You sent me back that night. We reached my door step, our fingers still interlaced. I haven’t figured if this is what we should be doing, but I stood there while you held me. I didn’t budge. I didn’t push you away. I didn’t want to. I wanted to know what I was feeling.

That night. I was confused. I’ve always wanted you to hold me, and you never did until that day. Instead of feeling excited for that kiss you might plant on my cheek, I was worried. I’m sure you felt my anxiety when I turned away as you came close.

“I had fun tonight, thank you, for being you.” You said to me, looking into my eyes, while I was finding ways to look away.

My heart ached as I took a step back. I walked through the door with a simple goodbye. That was it. All the excitement built up within me for the past one year, somehow it wasn’t there anymore. I’ve always wanted this. Or so I thought. But I guess I got tired of waiting for you to notice me. Subconsciously, I got so tired, I got over it. Over you. Finally. So now what?

That Day When I Told You To Take A Chance

That Day When I Told You To Take A Chance

That day. I wasn’t drunk. I was drinking at a friend’s wedding. But I wasn’t drunk. I was crying because I was so happy for her. She finally got married to the man of her dreams. Someone whom she told me she might possibly love for the rest of her life.

Isn’t marriage such a wonderful thing? Two people, in love, pledge a vow, and become one. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.

I love weddings, I love the idea of marriage; two people coming together to commit to something, to brave through storms and whatever nots together. Always, together.

That day. I wasn’t drunk. But I texted you anyway. Maybe I was trying to use being drunk as an excuse to tell you how I felt. How I’ve always felt.

I told you that I was at a friend’s wedding, and you asked when will mine be. And so I said, “when someone proposes to me. Are you up for a challenge? Are you willing to take a chance?”

You didn’t respond.

A part of me wished that you were seriously thinking about it. But a part of me knew, you chose to brush it off, so as to not spoil our friendship. I apologize for my ‘drunk texts’. For asking you to take up the challenge you never thought about, the chance you never wanted. But, I just thought you should know, I love you anyway.

I Almost Told You I Love You

I Almost Told You I Love You

I opened the whatsapp conversation to our text messages and read through our last text exchange. It was from a few days ago. And it was pretty boring. It was full of ‘how was your day’ and ‘okay’s. Then I saw you ‘typing…‘. I quickly exited the chat, in fear the blue ticks would appear immediately on your phone when you send the texts through.

I waited for five minutes, but no text from you came through. I was puzzled, so I went back on whatsapp. You weren’t ‘typing…‘ anymore. What did you want to say? What was it? I want to know.

Even if it was ‘I had a great day today’, that is fine, tell me more about your day. Or maybe ‘I had a rough day today’, yes please let me know. Anything really, tell me.

I started typing gibberish in our chat. I didn’t know what to say, but I wanted to say something. Many things came out. ‘How was your day?’, and ‘hello’ and then more. “I love you.”

I stared at my screen, “More than you ever imagined, more than I thought possible, so much I never dared say. I love you.”

It was like I took rocks out of my heart when I typed those words. But I put the rocks back in as I vigorously jabbed the backspace button. I will not ruin a friendship for those three words. I will not lose you because of this. I can’t.

I exited the chat.

Then a message came. From you.

“Hey, I saw you typing something but you stopped. Is there something you wanna say?”

Yes, I just wanted to tell you I love you.

Oh, no it was nothing..”

Just, nothing.

“How was your day? :)”

In Her Shoes

In Her Shoes

I wonder how it’s like to be loved by you.

To receive “Good Morning Beautiful” texts from you.

To receive “Goodnight Love” texts from you.

To have you hold my hand.

To have you grab me at my waist before I fall.

To have you hug me in theatres.

To have you cuddle me up when nights get cold.

To have you listen to my stories when I have a bad day.

To listen to yours.

To squeeze into your arms when nights get cold.

To lean on your chest in the theatres.

To pull you closer when I’m about to fall.

To hold your hand.

To tell you I miss you before heading to bed.

To tell you you’re the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning.

I wonder how it’s like to love you with all I have.

I wonder what it’s like to be in her shoes.

Photo Source: Tumblr – caught-alive

I Ain’t No Hollaback Girl

I Ain’t No Hollaback Girl

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to pretend

you don’t turn my stomach into
a butterfly mortuary

that they flew around so fast and frantic,
all of them died.

I’m a graveyard of everything I’ve ever said to you.

You grabbed my hand in the Uber
like you had never touched another human being,

Like we’re all electricity
without a panic button.”

Extract from: Listening To Hollaback Girl And Trying To Not Text You (Because I’m Not A Hollaback Girl) – Ari Eastman

Because You Thought I Would Wait For You

Because You Thought I Would Wait For You

Today, I met someone.

Someone who is different from you.

He made me smile. He made me laugh. He made me see the world in colours again.

Colours I couldn’t see, when I was waiting for you.

Today, I met someone.

Someone who is different from you.

He held my hand. He brought me to the places I’ve always wanted to go. He looked at me.

He looked at me the way you didn’t.

Today, I met someone.

Someone who is different from you.

He told me he liked me. He told me he loves the way I smile and laugh. He told me he would wait for me.

He told me he would wait for me the way I did for you.