Shani Jayawardena – Thought Catalog
No matter how hard I battle against my current, I’m going to wear my heart pinned to my sleeve, and all of my emotions rainbow-painted on my face. Always. At first, I am going to be careful. I am going to pay close attention to your actions. Are you kind? Are you thoughtful? Are you really listening to me? I’m going to wait for you to show me that I am not another round of checkers to you. Once I decide I like you, I’m going to tell you that I like you, loudly, and I’m not going to mask those feelings. Ever. I don’t care if it’s too soon, or if I say it first, I’m going to be open and honest with you. Sometimes, there are words I will find myself unable to say, but I’m going to show you them instead. I’m going to share with you my secrets, my fears, my hopes, and the craziest of my dreams. I’m going to slowly reveal all of me. Even the parts of me that I sometimes struggle to love myself. I’m not worried what you’ll think of me, because I know that if I’m the girl who’s meant for you, you will take my crazy… and maybe, just maybe, you’ll find it endearing. I’m going to kiss you, soft and romantically, hard and intensely, slowly and passionately. I’m going to kiss you each day, before you wake in the morning, and every evening, before we say our goodnights. And I’m going to kiss you like we’re the only two people on this earth in that moment, because for me, we will be. I’m going to trust that you would never do anything to hurt me, and that anything you say or do that does unintentionally cause me pain, is coming from a place of good, a place of you wanting me to be the best possible version of myself that I can be. I’m going to love you all the more for challenging me like this. I’m going to always have your back, for I am fiercely loyal, and I’m expecting you to have mine. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and trust in you, because that’s the only way I know how to be. I’m going to believe you when you tell me something; anything, because I have chosen to believe in us. I’m going to tell the world how deeply I feel for you, for I have never been a girl who likes to deal in secrets. I won’t overshare though. All of the most beautiful details will remain within the poppy fields of you & me. Because there are some things that should be kept just for us. It will take time and patience, but when I decide I’m ready to share with you my body, know that I will also be sharing my heart and my soul. I am not someone who could ever give you one without the other. At first, I’m going to give you my heart with caution, because I’m afraid of collecting any more permanent scars. I’m going to hold your heart with the tenderness that I hope you will choose to hold mine. I’m going to love you, with all that I have to give. Every day from now. I’m going to let you in, all of the way, where no one has ever journeyed before. It’s more delicate and vulnerable there than I can begin to fathom. Once I let you in, for me it will be forever. I know that forever scares a lot of us, but I’ve never been one to scare easy. Forever is a promise, a commitment; a journey that I have patiently been waiting to go on. And I’m going to wait for this journey with you.