“I hope someday I’d have the chance to bring you to dinners with my girlfriends and they’ll talk about how lucky I am to have caught you. I hope someday you’ll bring me to one of your family parties. I’d be dressed up in a nice cocktail dress and you’d be suited up in that tuxedo, and your cousins would tell us how good we look together. And you’d just spend the entire night telling me how proud you are of me.”
I kicked the blankets off my legs and turned to my sides. My hands reached over to the other side of the bed, trying to grasp for something, someone. Emptiness. There was emptiness.
It has been 115 days since I spoke to you. 117 days since I last saw you. 203 days since you last laid here with me. 203 days since you last held me close to you.
I lay in bed wide awake, reminiscing the nights we spent together. We would stay up late into the nights talking about everything and anything. The future, our future; how many kids we would like, what car we would get, how many dogs we should have, the kind of house we would get and the countries we want to visit.
It was us against the world. We were happy, we were spontaneous and we were.. together. At the very least, we were together.
I sat up in bed and hugged my knees. I miss you so much. So damned much. I thought we had it all. I thought you were the one. The last one. I thought.. you loved me. But I guess I was wrong.
And now I lay in bed trying to recall how life was like before you, how life was like when I didn’t have a face to look at in the mornings, how life was like when the other side of the bed was still empty. I don’t know how I’m going to get used to this, but I will try, even if I fail, I will continue to try. But regardless, I’m still thankful for you. For all that you have given me, thank you.
Photo source: Tumblr
“Because I’m taking a chance.
Because life is too short to always know where you’re headed, too short to be afraid to fall, too short to be selfish with your heart.
Because not planning can be exciting and fun. Because love is one of those things you just jump into fearlessly, and without a guidebook or map.
Because sometimes you don’t need a guidebook or map. You just need your heart, your brain, and the faith in something bigger than yourself.
So I’m going for it. I’m going all in.”
Source: Thought Catalog, Marisa Donnelly http://thoughtcatalog.com/marisa-donnelly/2016/05/im-surrendering-to-love-im-going-all-in/
“I loved being in love with him. Love is easy and strange. I would ponder it on rattling tube trains, on crowded buses, at work – what was it about him that produced this effect on me? I could never decide definitively and had lists of both generalizations and detailed particulars: I loved his generosity, his ability to laugh at himself, his determination, the way he could unequivocally apply himself to any task, his impulsiveness, and how he could find humour in any situation. But yet, I also loved the way he rubbed his hair in a circular motion when he was tired, how his upper lip would stick out when he was cross, that he couldn’t go to sleep unless he had a glass of water by the bed, and that he was constantly surprised by how much food he could eat.”
after you’d gone – Maggie O’Farrell