Lost Chances

Lost Chances

For the very first time, you held my hand the other day. I moved away because I didn’t know if it was what I wanted anymore. Butterflies in my stomach, I told you, “What took you so long to realise?” You didn’t say anything. We continued walking in our own paths, not touching, not making any eye contact, not saying a word.

“I knew. All along, I knew.” You gently nudged my hands again and swiftly pulled me closer by holding me at my waist.

This time, I didn’t move away.

I felt that tingling feeling from your cold fingers. It felt nice, but it felt strange too.

You sent me back that night. We reached my door step, our fingers still interlaced. I haven’t figured if this is what we should be doing, but I stood there while you held me. I didn’t budge. I didn’t push you away. I didn’t want to. I wanted to know what I was feeling.

That night. I was confused. I’ve always wanted you to hold me, and you never did until that day. Instead of feeling excited for that kiss you might plant on my cheek, I was worried. I’m sure you felt my anxiety when I turned away as you came close.

“I had fun tonight, thank you, for being you.” You said to me, looking into my eyes, while I was finding ways to look away.

My heart ached as I took a step back. I walked through the door with a simple goodbye. That was it. All the excitement built up within me for the past one year, somehow it wasn’t there anymore. I’ve always wanted this. Or so I thought. But I guess I got tired of waiting for you to notice me. Subconsciously, I got so tired, I got over it. Over you. Finally. So now what?

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That Day When I Told You To Take A Chance

That Day When I Told You To Take A Chance

That day. I wasn’t drunk. I was drinking at a friend’s wedding. But I wasn’t drunk. I was crying because I was so happy for her. She finally got married to the man of her dreams. Someone whom she told me she might possibly love for the rest of her life.

Isn’t marriage such a wonderful thing? Two people, in love, pledge a vow, and become one. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part.

I love weddings, I love the idea of marriage; two people coming together to commit to something, to brave through storms and whatever nots together. Always, together.

That day. I wasn’t drunk. But I texted you anyway. Maybe I was trying to use being drunk as an excuse to tell you how I felt. How I’ve always felt.

I told you that I was at a friend’s wedding, and you asked when will mine be. And so I said, “when someone proposes to me. Are you up for a challenge? Are you willing to take a chance?”

You didn’t respond.

A part of me wished that you were seriously thinking about it. But a part of me knew, you chose to brush it off, so as to not spoil our friendship. I apologize for my ‘drunk texts’. For asking you to take up the challenge you never thought about, the chance you never wanted. But, I just thought you should know, I love you anyway.