I opened the whatsapp conversation to our text messages and read through our last text exchange. It was from a few days ago. And it was pretty boring. It was full of ‘how was your day’ and ‘okay’s. Then I saw you ‘typing…‘. I quickly exited the chat, in fear the blue ticks would appear immediately on your phone when you send the texts through.
I waited for five minutes, but no text from you came through. I was puzzled, so I went back on whatsapp. You weren’t ‘typing…‘ anymore. What did you want to say? What was it? I want to know.
Even if it was ‘I had a great day today’, that is fine, tell me more about your day. Or maybe ‘I had a rough day today’, yes please let me know. Anything really, tell me.
I started typing gibberish in our chat. I didn’t know what to say, but I wanted to say something. Many things came out. ‘How was your day?’, and ‘hello’ and then more. “I love you.”
I stared at my screen, “More than you ever imagined, more than I thought possible, so much I never dared say. I love you.”
It was like I took rocks out of my heart when I typed those words. But I put the rocks back in as I vigorously jabbed the backspace button. I will not ruin a friendship for those three words. I will not lose you because of this. I can’t.
I exited the chat.
Then a message came. From you.
“Hey, I saw you typing something but you stopped. Is there something you wanna say?”
Yes, I just wanted to tell you I love you.
“Oh, no it was nothing..”
“How was your day? :)”