I toss and turn in my bed. Sleepless nights. Eyes dry from all the crying. I turn to the face beside me, trying to find some form of solace, but all I could feel from the view of his back, was coldness. Bitting my lips, I close my eyes and try to fall asleep.

Things weren’t always like this.

We met about a year ago. At a coffee house near my place. He came over to speak to me, and we clicked almost immediately. I felt like he was my soulmate. Such an overrated word, but yes, I found my soulmate. Or rather, I thought I did. He was very nice to me. He was smart; our conversations were always intellectual and challenging, and I always enjoyed talking to him. He was kind, and chivalrous, honestly it was difficult to not fall in love with a man as charismatic as he was. But as they say, “we should love, not fall in love, because everything that falls, gets broken”. And so, I fell.

Months went by and everything was great. We were just like the normal couples. We went for dinners, movies, gym. There were flowers, gifts, surprises. There was so much excitement and happiness. At one point of time, I even thought to myself “this could be it, he could be the one”. I don’t know when it started but soon after, everything started crumbling.

Maybe it was because we passed the so called honeymoon period. Maybe we got too comfortable with each other. Maybe we started taking each other for granted. All the habits or gestures we once found adorable started to annoy us. His burps became one of the things I would chid him for. As well as the way he speaks with confidence I now find so arrogant. He used to like me for my candidness, but now all he says is how demanding I am. I don’t know where we went wrong, and I don’t know how all these quirky things we used to like about each other turned into things we now blame each other for.

At first it was the minor arguments. Then some more arguments. The frequency increased, the volume increased, the vulgarities increased. In a blink of an eye, arguments escalated to heated quarrels. It felt like it was inevitable before one of us exploded. So someone did.

This continued for months. And here we are now, on the same bed, with our backs against each other. Not knowing what to do next. Not knowing how to salvage the situation. Not knowing how to turn back time and restart from when everything was still peaceful.

I don’t know what I can do to make things work, but maybe if I keep trying, it will be enough. I love him, and maybe that is enough. Under the sheets, I reach out to him and put my hand over his chest. Tears welled up in my eyes and I whispered, “I miss you, and I love you.”

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